An Impromptu With the Hellraiser...

Good afternoon, ladies and gents. I just popped in to give you all a very interesting scoop. When I went to post the bulletin for all you fine citizens to come and check out this Monday's edition of "Indulging Synn," I ran into Mike Hoss, fresh off his first date with none other than Tyler Kiss. Given the man's mood and the recent rash of relationships that are springing up all over the federation, I had to take this moment to get to the bottom of that particular situation. What follows is exactly how our conversation played out. Enjoy!

Backstage at the United Center in Chicago, Xavier Synn is walking through the back hallways toward the company-wide message board for the week. He pins up a note to remind superstars and fans alike that a new edition of his blog, "Indulging Synn" has just been published. He stands back, looking at the note as he looks over the "topics covered" section, zeroing in on "intergender interactions," shaking his head.

Xavier Synn
What the hell is in the water?

He doesn't even hear Mike Hoss approach...

The Hellraiser walks by Synn, he's... smiling and... whistling? He puts a dollar in the vending machine next to Xavier and hits the button for a bottle of water. Without even looking at him, Hoss speaks...

Hoss: Hey Jack Daniels! I haven't seen you in a while now, what, you don't want to interview me anymore?

Hoss chuckles and looks at Synn, waiting for his response...

Xavier spots Hoss picking the water up out of the return slot in the vending machine and the irony of the moment isn't lost on him. One second he's asking what's in the water, the next second Hoss is drinking it. Shaking this observation aside, the interviewer looks up at the Hellraiser.

Xavier Synn
What can I say, Mike? I've been a little busy with all the build-up leading into Superbrawl II, and up until this Saturday you hadn't even been scheduled for it.

It wasn't animosity coming from Synn, just the facts. He'd been spending an awful lot of time covering the various backstage news, the shows themselves, and the developments leading up to the biggest event of the year.

Hoss: Alright, relax... Geeze Rummie, I'm just messing with you. What's in the water though? Should I be worried?

Xavier looks back at him with a raised eyebrow. He gestures toward the water with an inquisitive look.

Xavier Synn
You tell me. Sweet home, Chicago, Tyler Kiss, sex clubs? You're on quite the splurge, Mike.

Even without the microphone in his hand it felt like an interview. The sign of a true natural.

Hoss doesn't say a word, he looks Synn right in the eye and smiles...

Hoss: What's wrong man? Jealous?

Synn squints a little as he holds the stare. Crossing his arms, he responds.

Xavier Synn
Call it morbid curiousity.

Hoss shrugs...

Hoss: What is it you want to know? She was at a bar, I went to the bar, she had to finish signing autographs and then we went to a "Couples Activity Center"... But I'm a book, go ahead, ask the tough questions!

Synn just leans back against the wall and considers the situation for a moment. Here's Mike Hoss, the Hellraiser, the XHW's reigning Price of Darkness and he's grinning like a school boy and sipping a bottle of water. Where to start?

Xavier Synn
Well first off, why Tyler? I don't think I'm alone in thinking that she's not really your... type.

Hoss: Are you kidding? She's everybody's type... Tight body, nice firm, perky... brain, and a beautiful head of long blond hair. The deepest and brightest blue eyes you've ever seen! Or do you mean she isn't the type interested in me? She didn't seem to mind too much... When do these questions get hard?

He smiled once again, waiting for X to ask him something tough...

Xavier stands up off the wall and puts his hands on his hips, never one to take kindly to any sort of intimidation tactics or threats.

Xavier Synn
First off, I prefer green-eyed redheads, and second, the questions are only as hard as you interpret them to be. Is this a one-night fling or something a little substantial?

Hoss: Truth be told, I have no idea... Yeah, the sex was great. She beat me like a redheaded step-child, over and over and just when I thought it wouldn't get any worse, she'd find something else to hit me with... I almost thought about running away and then... Well, you know. But I took it easy on her... She said she wanted the worst but she didn't know what she was asking for.

He smiles just thinking about it...

Hoss: Sorry about that, uh afterwords we went to breakfast... I want to see her again, she wants to see me again, and we're going to hang out a little backstage on Wednesday night. Just count her as one more fan in my corner while I tear ol'Roger a new bunghole! I could really see myself with this chick...

Xavier just tilts his head and scratches his jawline.

Xavier Synn
Well that makes one of you then...

He shakes his head before continuing.

Xavier Synn
And what about in the ring? Isn't a lady around going to soften the Hellraiser up a bit... especially with all the "midnight beatings"?

Hoss: Soften me up? I told her what she was getting into. She doesn't seem to mind, and we aren't really offically together so I wouldn't worry about it. If anything, be afraid, now there's a woman in my life...

He laughs...

Xavier just looks back at him with a bewildered expression.

Xavier Synn
And why should others fear you more because of that? If anything, history has shown that, in the XHW, a relationship makes you more vulnerable to the competition.

Hoss looks around bewildered...

Hoss: Does anyone here even know how I deal with stress? She pushes my buttons enough, I'm bound to snap like a postal worker with a barbedwire baseball bat...

Xavier nods toward him.

Xavier Synn
Well I suppose the question there then, Hoss, is who's on the other end of that bat?

The Hellraiser just shrugs...

Hoss: Does it ever matter? It could be anybody... Look at Tyler Kiss when you get back to your office, look but stop when you're about to put that sweaty mit down your drawers... She's a perfect 10... Not to mention that she is by far the most diverse, agile, sensuous, and brutal lovers I've ever had. Who the hell wouldn't want her? You show me that guy and I'll show you Dante West... I don't see an easy road ahead Synn, but I really like this chick... It's a road I'm willing to walk. So with all that said, and the hundreds of combinations I could come up with, I ask you again... Does it matter who is on the other end of that bat? No... You wrong Tyler, you wrong me, you wrong us... You get hurt... Simple as that.

Hoss is actually enjoying this...

Hoss: Next question!

Synn tilts his head. Impressed with how much Hoss has thought this through in such a short amount of time, but at the same time he's still not completely convinced that the Hellraiser is on the up and up about the whole thing.

Xavier Synn
And what of the Next Generation? In the short amount of time that the group has been together, you've all more or less stuck to the "company line" of solidarity. Starting something with Tyler Kiss, a woman whose past relationships have led her to some less than savory moments with fellow faction member J.T. Cash, might cause rifts within the ranks. How do you think Cash will take this?

Hoss thinks for a minute... He looks at Synn with a very concerned look in his eye...

Hoss: I don't know how he'll take it... It's one thing I can't figure out. But the heart wants what the heart wants, you know?

Synn is a little taken aback by both the directness of the Hellraiser's words and the softness in his voice. It's not exactly... "Hoss-like." He decides to burrow deeper.

Xavier Synn
I have to be honest, Mike, this isn't exactly the "Fire and Brimstone" version of Mike Hoss that I and most of our viewing audience is used to. I mean, "what the heart wants"? It's almost like a page out of Audree Gates and Scott Walker's book, if you don't mind me being blunt. While most might consider Kiss turning over to "the dark side," might you be turning a new leaf instead?

Hoss: Fuck that... plain and simple. I like me... I FUCKING LOVE ME RUMMIE! Hoss stops and clears his throat... Sorry, I'm trying to keep this professional... She is pefectly aware of what she's getting into... And frankly, between you and I... I think, I hope, that's part of the turn on. I mean c'mon, it was the best night of my fucking life, and with everything going on around here, even I have to forget once and awhile...

He shrugs and takes a breath, accepting the fact that he just admited something like that...

Xavier nods again, feeling like he's actually getting somewhere for once instead of just being screamed back at like a petulant child, the going rate for most backstage interviews these days.

Xavier Synn
Well it seems like it's been a perfect storm of sorts: being in your hometown, spotting a familiar face in a favorite hang out, catching someone at just the right time in their life, and finding a sympathetic moment within an otherwise hardened soul. Does that sound about right?

He stops and looks at Xavier for a minute... He shakes his head as he answers...

Hoss: Well, I guess, but it sounds a lot gayer your way... I love this place, Chicago. Others may be from here, I am from here. We all know about my childhood, I don't want to rehash it right now, but in short... I saw a side of this city that you don't see on comercials. The side that Tyler came to last night... And do you know why, Xavier Synn? Don't think hard my friend, I'll tell you... Because she was with Mike... Hoss... Take that for what you will.

He speaks bluntly.

Xavier Synn
I take that for you being a complete 180 from what she just spent the past few months being a part of and a combination of a late night and alcohol. No offense, of course.

He grins with that professional aura, as if he were untouchable yet still wanting to avoid any possible confrontation with a man of the Hellraiser's... tendencies. That only lasts a moment, however, as he gets back into it.

Xavier Synn
But all that aside, you've spent the night out gallivanting while your opponent for this Wednesday, Roger Reinhardt, was here at the United Center getting prepared for your match. Even with the hometown advantage, don't you think you've been a bit lax with your preparation for this thing?

Hoss: It's one night... I train all day, I go to public apperances... The boys and I get together, my nights are my own. See I'm not a real public guy, X I tend to stay out of the public eye. I've been like this for years, I do sleep... But it's just enough. In short, as dumb as it may sound... I'm Hard-Fucking-Core. I didn't just start telling people to call me Hellraiser...

He chuckles...

Hoss: When it comes to Reinhardt, I am 100% focused on him. I've wanted this and I'm going to take it... When have I EVER let my life interfere with my ass-kicking? Never...

Xavier nods.

Xavier Synn
I suppose that's fair. Everyone prepares for matches in their own way. But what happens if you do lose this match... won't some attribute that to this... situation?

Hoss: Of course they will... See, it's like this: I'm a big, angry, hulking, sadistic, satanic motherfucker. I like me, Tyler likes me, The Next Generation likes me, but aside from those few people... There aren't many others. They'll do whatever it takes to bring me down when I get my head above water. They'll do whatever it takes to squash whatever may make me happy at the time. Keep in mind, these are your "heroes" these are the "role models" okay... They'll do whatever it takes, anything, to make sure I'm not in a good mood. True, it is much to their detriment, but still... And now this beautiful thing walks into my life and...

Hoss stops for a second and hangs his head... He'd been thinking about this sort of thing all morning. The tone in his voice has become somber, separating the good from the bad in his head. He runs his hand through his hair before he continues...

Hoss: This ray of sunlight burns a hole through my darkened wasteland of a heart and everyone asks the same question... Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? I don't have JT Cash's good looks, I don't have Johnny Diamonds charisma, I don't have Jimm Redd's money and I'm not an unscathed bad-ass like Joe Riggs. Look at me, I'm a fucking troll... And this perfect ten wants a peice... You better fucking believe I'm going to give it to her. But it's become more than that so fast... We have a connection. Yeah, I'm still waiting for Reinhardt to hop out and smack me in the face with a chair, or The Japanese Seaman to come from around the corner and choke-slam me for Rob Gunn. But even if she's lying... Is it wrong for me to enjoy it? I don't know. But the answer to your question is yes... IF and it's one hell of an "if", Roger Reinhardt manages to get me to the mat for the 1...2...3... Yeah, everyone from you to The Next Generation to my own mother will pin it on Tyler...

Xavier crosses his arms, glad to have finally gotten a point through to the Hellraiser, although, from the answer, it's clear that Hoss has already thought many of these things through in his mind. Despite that fact, there are still unanswered questions.

Xavier Synn
And when that blame comes, when they all point the finger at your new love interest, how is that going to affect you? Your relationship? If it's the Next Generation, which, as you so keenly pointed out, it would be, would that drive a wedge between you and the group? Would it drive one between you and Tyler?

Hoss just stopped, he wanted to punch Synn square in the face and then put his head through the vending machine... But he couldn't, he asked for this... The questions just got hard. He had to think, there was nothing else he could do. So he stood and thought for a moment. Without considering any signs Hoss pulls a cigarette from his pack and lights it, taking slow drags with slower exhales... He looks at Synn with eyes of concern...

Hoss: I... I don't...

What the fuck? Something was coming down his cheek... A... A tear? He couldn't hold it in any longer...

Hoss: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS! I DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS SHIT IS! I HAVEN'T HAD ONE OF THESE SINCE MY BEST FRIEND DIED AND EVEN THEN IT TOOK A WHOLE HELL OF A LOT! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SYNN! WHY THE FUCK IS THIS HAPPENING!

Hoss drops to the floor, he sits against the wall smoking faster now... He isn't balling by any means, but single tears run down either side of his face...

Hoss: Son of a bitch, everybody is going to have a Field-Day with this! I mean... Why can't I get a piece? Why do I have to live alone? I'M A FUCKING CHAMPION FOR FUCK'S SAKE! If anyone deserves women it's Mike Hoss, Joe Riggs and The Next Generation in general... Mine just happens to be one that one of the founding fathers apparently hates. Go figure, right? No... If they want to blame her, I'll show them. If they want to nay-say her, I'll show them... I won't LET a wedge be driven between me and Tyler or me and my friends... The Next Generation means a lot to me Synn. But so does Tyler... What would you do?

Synn looks down at the shockingly crying Hoss who is seemingly peeling away the layers of the external bravado that he so typically exudes. Peering down at the man as he furiously whittles down his cigarette, Synn responds confidently.

Xavier Synn
I'd start by not getting involved with J.T. Cash in any endeavor, but that's just me. Since you're already entrenched with both sides of the coin, and you don't want to lose either, you have two options. One, you work with both sides to find a compromise, to find a common ground that you can all coexist with. Or two... you choose. Neither of those seems like a pleasant reality, but that's exactly kind of complication that I was talking about to begin with. You have to decide where your priorities lie, in my opinion. But hell, what do I know, I'm just backstage interviewer, Xavier Synn, right?

He scoffs as he leans back against the wall, arms crossed and shaking his head. It's been a long time since he's felt any sort of respect from men like Hoss.

Hoss: Only because I can't take you in the ring and beat you like Reinhardt and West... Do you want that reality? You don't seem like the type that digs on stitches...

Hoss wipes his face clean and cracks his neck. He drops his butt and stomps it out with his boot. He quickly lights another...

Hoss: What the fuck am I worried about, those are my boys. They know I'm fucking dedicated... Don't they? Of course they do. I mean, c'mon... We're The Next Fucking Generation for Christ's sake! We're such badasses, we've got wannabe-spinoffs! I mean... "New Era"... Next Generation... Isn't anyone a fan of originality anymore. How about you X, you like original thought or are you just another type that like "Joey" as much as "Friends"?

It was his motto... When in doubt, be an asshole...

Xavier just looks at him from the wall, unflinching, relaxed, in the moment.

Xavier Synn
I think too many people try too hard to be something that they're not. You have people running all over this federation trying to make themselves out to be unstoppable monsters, mysterious rogues, or even hardcore bad asses, he looks down at Hoss, but the "Hellraiser" is looking at the opposite wall but the reality is that everyone, deep down inside, is a human being. Everybody is hiding something. Everybody can't possibly be the way that they want us to see them. I think that if half of the roster would simply be themselves and the world see them for who they are, this place would be better off.

He heard the man, he saw him look in his direction too...

Hoss: There is a difference between me and them X... I've been like this for years, all over the world. And in one day, one fucking day... I'm supposed to change? No... Fuck that. I love me. She lo-ikes me. The Next Generation Likes Me... I don't see how we can't all just be happy. She stays out of our mess they stay out of Tyler's and my mess... I mean, it works out... Doesn't it? FUCK YEAH IT DOES! I thought of it! Be myself... I AM MYSELF RUMMIE! And everyone loves me for it... Right?

He smiled that maniac smile as he stared off at nothing...

Xavier just shakes his head with a slight chuckle.

Xavier Synn
Everyone has their own opinions, Mike. But I'm sure whatever you decide, you'll work things out. As for me, I've got work to do. Enjoy your newfound... relationship. I'll be looking forward to what happens with that and Wednesday night.

Hoss: That's right Jim Beam, LOOK FOREWORD TO THE BEATING! I'm going to give that guy something he hasn't gotten in quite a while... A LOSS!

Hoss watches as Synn walks down the hall...

That's when I headed back here to the backstage interviewers' workspace lounge to get this conversation up, ASAP, for you, the viewing public. I hope that you've enjoyed this little insight into the world of Mike Hoss, and I can only imagine what the future might hold for the man who is more commonly known as the "Hellraiser." As always, thanks for indulging me!